Three humans, two aliens, a spaceborn, and an android walk into a webseries…it’s not just the opening of an overly elaborate (and likely unfunny) joke. Joy’s journeys lead her to assemble quite the odd-ball crew.
Joy was born on Earth, to a family. This has been a source of constant shame for Joy, and she tries to hide it from everyone. Why couldn't she have been a mysterious orphan or raised by in the forest by robots? That's how it's supposed to work. Joy knows destiny has chosen her for...something. She doesn't know what, or where, or when, but She Is Important.
These thoughts have haunted her all of her life, distracting her and keeping her from more practical endeavors. After scraping by in college, she started to look for simple work that wouldn't keep her tied down-- just in case that Big Thing happened, so she could to run off to Destiny in a hurry.
Of course, she didn't know what this Great Thing was going to be, so she continued to try different jobs, getting as wide a taste of life as she could. But she soon realized that most of the high-powered careers—captaining a space ship, captaining a company, really any kind of captaining—were attained by those who went to the elite space academies or came from well-connected Syzygex employees. Without money or friends in high places, she couldn't very well just sign up for Captain-of-Spaceship 101. Besides, when did anyone who worked for The Man ever amount to anything? That is, besides everyone who gets raises and promotions and stuff.
So until she gets the powerful position she knows she’s destined for, Joy will continue as a Syzygex janitorial intern and becoming passingly familiar with the self-help-for-ambitious-career-women-self-help genre.
Mildred was born... somewhere... to someone... but all that information has long since been programmed out of her. Mildred was one of the top-of-the-line QCD Perfectors genetically augmented to be a finely tuned killing machine.
Unfortunately, Mildred took to the programing a bit too readily and slaughtered her boss and entire squad during a cleanup mission. Knowing she would be hunted down by the QCD department as defective, she decided against simply waiting for them to show up and ran off to pursue her dream of killing more things.
Scarlett Swingline was born into wage-slavery. Her people are best known for their dedication to learning. They had an intense thirst for knowledge, but at the same time were incredibly social and creative. In the not-so-distant past, Syzygex realized the potential use of these hyperintellegent people: they would make perfect office employees. Syzygex approached the planet’s government with an offer they couldn’t refuse and instead of following through with promises, most of the people on the planet were seized and forced into middle-class drudgery.
Scarlett managed to escape, and now she is making a living by skipping ship to ship to stay one step ahead. She took odd jobs to survive and became quite the rebellious brat.
Recently, she settled in with the Drag-Star Ship Race and began to make her fortune by being the gutsiest pilot in the galaxy. Sadly, she then started to lose her fortune by also being the riskiest gambler in the galaxy. Now she takes every piloting and racing job she can find to make ends meet.
Mechanical Officer Pauline is responsible for keeping the HMS Janeway ship-shape. The janky vessel has been though a lot of adventures herself, so Pauline has her work cut out for her.
Luckily, as an android, she has a personal understanding of all beings mechanical. They're certainly a lot less confusing than these crazy humanoids on-board! Pauline was built to serve, but her manufactuerers didn't count on her developing her own ideas for revolution.
Is there a glitch in her programming, or is Pauline keeping secrets? Is artificial intelligence the best this crew can count on?
Janet was born in the desert wasteland known as the Rockies in North America. Her father and mother were both brutal business people, expansively rich and powerful, which insured Janet's childhood never wanted for anything.
However, Janet had a compulsion.
Her parents kept catching Janet reading anatomy books and she was never able to sleep unless the she was read a bedtime story about the mythical Jack the Ripper. Before long, the family's worst fears were realized: Janet was a budding serial surgeon, anesthetizing, dissecting, and then reassembling anything she could find. It was only a matter of time before she moved on to humans: stalking, capturing, and providing free diagnoses or performing life-saving surgeries on random people in the street.
Being rich and powerful, her family was able to hide Janet away in a prestigious medical school where Janet learned new techniques...and invented a few of her own. She managed to escape after ten years by graduating with honors at the top of her class.
For reasons unknown, she is currently blacklisted from all Syzygex Brand Hospitals.
Barbara is thrilled to be a crew member for the expedition. She's eager to spread her wings and see what strange challenges await her off of Tikitara. Having never traveled away from the eagle-eye of her parents, and rarely beyond the Mall-Moon of her home planet, she's delighted to learn how the primitive underprivileged live.
Barbara has studied munitions and weaponry ever since her grandfather—Staff Commander Oglethorp—gave her a grenade (it was expired...probably) for her first birthday. Her love of things that go boom remains strong and is why she's delighted to serve as Munitions Officer for the Janeway. When she returns to Tikitara she plans to start a blog about, "The Anthropological Importance and Impact of Primitive Weaponry of Lesser Species" (working title). *editor's note: Should we tell her? Nahhh....
Wayne was born in a small rural town outside of New Portland, Terra. Born to a humble family of hydro-hemp farmers, he grew up with a strong sense of compassion, hard work, and irony.
When he was twelve, Wayne left school and began a five-year pilgrimage to the Monastery of the BAR (Bartender And Restaurateur) Association situated high atop an ice-capped mountain in southern Retro Canadia. After subsiding on nothing more than fruits, nuts, and garnishes for three months, he was accepted into the walls of the BAR Monastery and began to learn their trade secrets.
At twenty-five, Wayne returned home to Terra where he met and fell in love with Janet Mongfree and her cool, antiseptic touch. He still thinks of the stars sometimes, and someday, if he finds the right star liner and the right crew, he might be willing to take up the mantel of itinerant BAR member once more.